The sky painted
itself in a shimmering silver colour today. It was beautiful. The trees moved
in a funny way too. It had to be the calm wind which blew through them. I
enjoyed how everything looked sparkling and new and how sudden the
transformation had been. The shiny crystals fell like shards of glass from the
skies.
All of it achingly reminded me of the
place I’d just left. Suddenly, I’m guilty of having left it. The rain flares up
memories which burned in my mind for too long, long enough to make me realize
just how foolishly brave I was. Fool.
And suddenly I miss it all just a
little too much. I miss those walks at night. I miss the sudden plans. I miss
travelling in local trains. I miss the coffee and the chai. I miss the knock at
the door. I miss the garden. I miss the Nescafe station. I miss the cats. I
miss the laughter. I miss the tears. I miss the races. I miss the sleepy
mornings. I miss the sweaty afternoons. I miss the pavement. I miss
the staircase. I miss the dates in CCD. I miss the dates in McD.
And the worst part about it all is not
the pain or the suffering, but the emptiness; an emptiness which keeps on
getting bigger with every person who asks me to let go of what I’m holding onto
because then it makes me realize that they’re asking me to let go of something
which at the end of the day, defines me. After all, it’s easy to move on and
let go. And whatever happens happens for a reason. It's what I've always been
told. But isn't it obvious? Life is all about connections. When one thing
happens, good or bad, it's followed by another set of things which instantly
makes you connect it to what happened right before. It doesn’t necessarily mean
that you have or that you must forget. Forgetfulness is addictive. I don’t want
to forget, neither do I want to regret. I want to cherish, with all that I am
and all that I could be.
Oh I am just selfish today. Maybe it’s
the rain. Because I wanted to sit under the bubbling water and play with the
air around it. Thinking if I sat under it, it’d change me too. Like the
sky. Change my colours, maybe. Paint me in its enchanting silver-ness, even if
it’s just for a jiffy. Thinking I’d experience the same calm underneath when a
million thoughts ran inside my mind, my body, chained in my memories, but only
if those chains were replaced by threads of raindrops, soft on my skin, mixed
with the saltiness from my tears, faintly holding my memories together for me.
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